Let’s not forget that men can also be diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Unfortunately the majority of studies according to MD. John Gunderson (a pioneer in the discovery of Borderline Personality Disorder) have been done on women due to the ignorance during the early stages of this diagnosis. As a clinician I am seeing more and more men suffer from this and are being misdiagnosed or fail to seek treatment often times due to the lack of knowledge around the manifestation and symptoms related to this disorder.
I am so impressed when men are courageous enough to get the help and be open about it!
Blog
Dating with a Sexually Transmitted Disease.
Having an intimate relationship with someone can be a dangerous act considering if you are with someone who has contracted a sexually transmitted disease. Consider the STD herpes, which once contracted is something you have for life. Would you date someone who admits to you that they have an STD as a result of a previous partner not being honest? What would your immediate response be in that situation? Often the emotional response of an immediate “No” has been common when I asked people this same question. However, it wasn’t until having a conversation with one of my close friends that brought a different perspective.
Her story was a little different; unfortunately, she contracted herpes as a result of a previous ex-boyfriend who was not faithful. She has been living with this for years. She is very cautious and takes the necessary steps to ensure she takes care of herself. Recently she started dating someone whom she was honest with about the STD. As the relationship progressed the relationship became intimate. Shortly after he disclosed his uncertainty with being able to cope with the fact that she has an STD. His now uncertainty has changed the security of the relationship growth while placing the other person in a position of limbo.
We all have the right to change our minds about situations, however does that excuse engaging in activities that sends mixed messages? One could look at the act of intimacy with the understanding of the STD as a sign that demonstrates acceptance. When you care about someone it is difficult to let go especially if there is a potential for a future. The question becomes how long do you wait if this is someone you care about? Should intimacy continue? While everyone’s response can be vastly different. I do pose some different perspectives on this issue. I think that we all have the right to change our minds and at the same time it is important to hold boundaries according to personal values.
Waiting for a decision is a personal choice and the time frame that goes with it. It is important to be true to yourself and consider the effects of the security of the relationship as a result of indecision. Mixed messages can be damaging to the safety of the relationship especially in a situation that can not be fixed such as having an STD. Whether the person decides that continuing with the relationship might be a decision that both parties hoped for there maybe underlying insecurity that this decision is temporary until the other party feels uncomfortable again.
April Wozencroft, LMFT
Taking Mental Health off The Shelf!
Culture Matters in Treatment
Culture is such an important aspect in treatment. I have had the luxury of working for a Hospital that honors diversity which I have benefited greatly from. My experience and training by great leaders in this field has paved the way of excellence for me. I am not afraid to admit the amount of ignorance I had entering this field 8 years ago around culture and the impact that it has on the treatment process. Through my personal growth as a Therapist it was imperative for me to strive for excellence which means doing more than what the standard of care demands.
I have recognized and have made huge strides to immerse myself in different cultures through travel and interacting in diverse communities. I have found that my efforts have not only worked to expand my knowledge, but also expand my influence as a Therapist. Having an understanding on how culture plays a part in family dynamics, values, roles, and expectations are crucial in effective treatment. I am ashamed to admit that in my training through school the “cookie cutter” approach was taken as a way to educate up and coming therapist. This approach I can speak to personally as insufficient and damaging. It is my responsibility to be informed in my field and taking the necessary steps to ensure that I can truly serve in the way that is most beneficial to any potential client.
I know that I can not say that I have experienced every culture or that I would be able to speak to the idiosyncrasies of every family, couple, or individual. I can say that continuously seeking out understanding of different cultures has impacted me greatly with understanding that leads to a better professional relationship and opportunity to help ease the mind of those coming in to see me. I want everyone that sees me to know that they have a safe space to share their experiences and that I would make it my mission to ensure that the goals of treatment honors the culture and values of anyone that comes in to my office. One must ask the question whether you are the person seeking treatment or the one providing treatment; How can a person provide adequate care to someone with a different culture if consideration of the cultural experience is not examined, processed, and implemented into the treatment plan?
My answer to that as a Professional is to ensure that I am knowledgeable on an ongoing basis. In my opinion this should be the answer for every working professional in this field. Culture Does Matter in Treatment.
The Reality of Single Fatherhood
Corion Lucas is just one example of many fathers who have very common experiences in dealing with child rearing as a single parent. For Corion he has the luxury of having two girls whom he loves dearly. During the interview that I had with Corion on my youtube channel Taking Mental Health off the Shelf so many different issues was brought up on his experiences that I could not possibly encapsulate on this blog. There are a few things I did want to highlight that I found really intriguing. Trying to separate from being a replica of the parent that our parents have been and developing a more congruent parent based on your personal values that you have developed on your own life journey. Trying to only pass on the things that you found most effective growing up while being cognizant of the temptation to repeat old remedies that were didn’t remedies anything, but did more detrimental things than anything else.
We are not perfect and Corion’s reference to this point was not to take away from the fact that his parents did the best that they could. Given that reality we can all benefit from striving to be better. Taking the time to explore who you want to be as a parent and the things you want to steer away from. Another great point that was brought up is the patience level that it takes while dealing with children. While this does not take a rocket science to figure out, the point that often I see parents miss is the expectations of their children and the level of understanding of their children.
It is difficult to differentiate between child mind and adult mind. This often becomes the essence of the frustration with parents in general, but even more so for single parents since the support in most cases have diminished greatly. Taking a step back and gaining insight to the reality that the child’s brain is still in development and that there are certain things that may be demanded from the child that is incongruent with their ability to understand or carry things out in the time or the way that a parent may expect. At times there are many complaints of children’s noncompliance with parents that I have treated and a significant amount of incongruence in expectations of a parent and the ability of the child is more common than not. As a single father Corion speaks of the frustrations of not getting the compliance that he desires in the time frame that he would like.
One must consider the importance of differentiating between parent expectations and child capabilities. While Corion speaks candidly about his experiences and overcoming his own anxieties and impatience I have experienced many other parents both single and married struggling with behavioral issues of children that fail to comply due to the incongruence of the parent expectations and the true capacity of the child or children. This blog is primarily focused on the demands on single fathers and the things that have presented to be challenges. Lastly Corion spoke of having balance and taking the time to be mindful. Being able to enjoy his children and let go of the sense of urgency to do the next thing.
Corion addresses the intense anxiety that he faces which steals away his ability to be present and enjoy the precious time with his children. I think that he brings a great point that we can all benefit from. Practicing mindfulness can be instrumental in our ability to be present and take an inventory of the things that are going right versus foreboding or considering all the things from the past that can’t be changed.
A True Stealer of Motherhood
THE INSIDIOUS POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION !A TRUE STEALER OF LIFE especially Motherhood.
According to the American Psychological Association 1 out of 7 women are confronted with the insidious Postpartum Depression. It is such a common thing yet people continue to suffer through this untreated. In interviewing Erika Berry on Postpartum Depression it was astonishing to me that one of my closest friends was experiencing this. In the interview I did feel a sense of guilt for not being there for her in the way that a friend should. I couldn’t help but to question my intuitiveness seeing as I was so unaware at the time. Although the episode on my Youtube channel (Taking Mental Health off the Shelf)was about Erika’s experience and her resilience through the support that she did have, impacted how I saw6 myself as a friend. Erika emphasized having access to support was instrumental in her recovery, I could not help but to think how many loved ones might be around someone who is suffering and yet remain ignorant this prevalent issue. This just emphasizes the point even more so on the importance of being aware of the signs, sudden changes, and regressive behaviors that may indicate that someone you care about maybe battling a mental health illness. There are some signs that I wanted to highlight in this blog to continue to bring awareness to this issue and inspiration. My hope is to continue to encourage effort to familiarize oneself with Mental Health issues since it is no respecter of persons. The warning signs are different for everyone but may include:
1)A loss of interest in the things that she used to do
2)The appetite of this person may be increased or decreased
3)Having racing thoughts
4)Irritability, Mood Swings
5)Trouble sleeping too much or not enough
6)Loss of interest in being connected with family and friends
7)Sex drive declines
8)Sadness and may experience crying spells (crying uncontrollably)
These are some symptoms and there may be other things that you might notice that may not be listed, however it reflects things that are out of character from that person and is disrupting daily life’s function. Asking the difficult questions can be nerve racking especially if you see the person that you love already in so much emotional pain. Having a conversation may feel like the insensitive thing to do since these conversations can be emotionally charged. The reality is asking the questions that reflect the possible symptoms can help someone recognize that there is actually a label for what they are going through and that it is treatable. Knowledge is powerful.
Postpartum Depression can occur anywhere from two weeks after birth to the first year of the child’s life. This leaves a huge window and is something to consider. In Erika’s interview she identified the listening ear of a friend to be the most comforting. What stood out to me was the way in which Erika was able to open up to this friend. It was such a simple gesture that he shared with her. He simply made a observation! Noticing Erika’s decline in certain obvious things that were out of the norm for her. I think the key here was NOTICE. He was able to notice the change, which opened a window for Erika to get the support that she needed. While our lives presents many challenges practicing a form of mindfulness each day can be helpful in noticing things more amongst others especially our loved ones.
Being a support does not mean you are fixing anything, but showing the validation and the compassion for contending with something that is so difficult can be healing, which Erika’s story has proven that. While I am so happy that Erika was able to recover from this, it is important to note that if you or a loved one is showing signs of Postpartum Depression it is encouraged to speak to a professional Therapist about it. Especially if there is very little support. While Erika was grateful to have the support that she did I couldn’t help but to be so painfully aware of how she could have received help earlier. It is painful to know that she did not have to suffer for such a long period of time, which was approximately the entire first year of her child’s life. I am not saying that everyone must go to a Therapist if you are showing signs, but I am saying that having professional help can assist with the recovery process in providing tools that can assist with coping with what is happening and restoring the experience of being a mother easier.
When there are things that you are equipped with to make it easier it would be advantageous to monopolize on them. Everyone deserves to be healthy and experience the joys of mother and fatherhood. I am a firm believer that all forms of depression are insidious and pose as a true stealer of life. Life is so precious and if you are struggling with Postpartum Depression please see someone about it, you don’t have to suffer through it alone. This is treatable, however if continued without support this condition can worsen. Recapture your life and experience the joy again.
April Wozencroft, LMFT
Resources:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Call 1-800-273-8255(TALK)
National Postpartum Depression Hotline: 1-800-773-6667 (PPD-MOMS)
YOU CAN MAKE AN APPOINTMENT WITH ME IF YOU NEED!
Call 1-909-323-0173
Cri
April Wozencroft -Taking Mental Health off the Shelf 