Having an intimate relationship with someone can be a dangerous act considering if you are with someone who has contracted a sexually transmitted disease. Consider the STD herpes, which once contracted is something you have for life. Would you date someone who admits to you that they have an STD as a result of a previous partner not being honest? What would your immediate response be in that situation? Often the emotional response of an immediate “No” has been common when I asked people this same question. However, it wasn’t until having a conversation with one of my close friends that brought a different perspective.
Her story was a little different; unfortunately, she contracted herpes as a result of a previous ex-boyfriend who was not faithful. She has been living with this for years. She is very cautious and takes the necessary steps to ensure she takes care of herself. Recently she started dating someone whom she was honest with about the STD. As the relationship progressed the relationship became intimate. Shortly after he disclosed his uncertainty with being able to cope with the fact that she has an STD. His now uncertainty has changed the security of the relationship growth while placing the other person in a position of limbo.
We all have the right to change our minds about situations, however does that excuse engaging in activities that sends mixed messages? One could look at the act of intimacy with the understanding of the STD as a sign that demonstrates acceptance. When you care about someone it is difficult to let go especially if there is a potential for a future. The question becomes how long do you wait if this is someone you care about? Should intimacy continue? While everyone’s response can be vastly different. I do pose some different perspectives on this issue. I think that we all have the right to change our minds and at the same time it is important to hold boundaries according to personal values.
Waiting for a decision is a personal choice and the time frame that goes with it. It is important to be true to yourself and consider the effects of the security of the relationship as a result of indecision. Mixed messages can be damaging to the safety of the relationship especially in a situation that can not be fixed such as having an STD. Whether the person decides that continuing with the relationship might be a decision that both parties hoped for there maybe underlying insecurity that this decision is temporary until the other party feels uncomfortable again.
April Wozencroft, LMFT
Taking Mental Health off The Shelf!
April Wozencroft -Taking Mental Health off the Shelf 