The Reality of Single Fatherhood

Corion Lucas is just one example of many fathers who have very common experiences in dealing with child rearing as a single parent. For Corion he has the luxury of having two girls whom he loves dearly. During the interview that I had with Corion on my youtube channel Taking Mental Health off the Shelf so many different issues was brought up on his experiences that I could not possibly encapsulate on this blog. There are a few things I did want to highlight that I found really intriguing. Trying to separate from being a replica of the parent that our parents have been and developing a more congruent parent based on your personal values that you have developed on your own life journey. Trying to only pass on the things that you found most effective growing up while being cognizant of the temptation to repeat old remedies that were didn’t remedies anything, but did more detrimental things than anything else.

We are not perfect and Corion’s reference to this point was not to take away from the fact that his parents did the best that they could. Given that reality we can all benefit from striving to be better. Taking the time to explore who you want to be as a parent and the things you want to steer away from. Another great point that was brought up is the patience level that it takes while dealing with children. While this does not take a rocket science to figure out, the point that often I see parents miss is the expectations of their children and the level of understanding of their children.

It is difficult to differentiate between child mind and adult mind. This often becomes the essence of the frustration with parents in general, but even more so for single parents since the support in most cases have diminished greatly. Taking a step back and gaining insight to the reality that the child’s brain is still in development and that there are certain things that may be demanded from the child that is incongruent with their ability to understand or carry things out in the time or the way that a parent may expect. At times there are many complaints of children’s noncompliance with parents that I have treated and a significant amount of incongruence in expectations of a parent and the ability of the child is more common than not. As a single father Corion speaks of the frustrations of not getting the compliance that he desires in the time frame that he would like.

One must consider the importance of differentiating between parent expectations and child capabilities. While Corion speaks candidly about his experiences and overcoming his own anxieties and impatience I have experienced many other parents both single and married struggling with behavioral issues of children that fail to comply due to the incongruence of the parent expectations and the true capacity of the child or children. This blog is primarily focused on the demands on single fathers and the things that have presented to be challenges. Lastly Corion spoke of having balance and taking the time to be mindful. Being able to enjoy his children and let go of the sense of urgency to do the next thing.

Corion addresses the intense anxiety that he faces which steals away his ability to be present and enjoy the precious time with his children. I think that he brings a great point that we can all benefit from. Practicing mindfulness can be instrumental in our ability to be present and take an inventory of the things that are going right versus foreboding or considering all the things from the past that can’t be changed.